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Dick Cheney – slumped over, with eyes blazing and hands rubbing together in glee – did his best Darth Vader impression last night during the debate with John Edwards. And he got in some telegenic if not honest digs against Edwards and Kerry.

Too bad his best line – “I’ve never met you before tonight” – was a lie.

Of course they’d met before, and the helpful political bloggers wasted no time in trotting out images, news stories and video proving that.

But his biggest lie of the night, “I never suggested there was a link between Saddam and 9/11,” has become so ingrained in the public consciousness that it probably didn’t register outside the limited ranks of political junkies. Fact is, Cheney and his flying monkeys have been pounding home the supposed connection between Saddam and 9/11 for years, and even their denials serve to at least enter a sentence into the public record that includes both terms.

It’s basic advertising – Volvos are safe. Thinking safety? Think Volvo. Safety is the most important thing for Volvo. Volvo owns “safety.”

Unfortunately, Edwards wasn’t strong enough to counter Cheney’s Vader-like stare and obvious command of the rhetoric. Edwards got in some good jabs, like pointing out how Cheney voted against Head Start, MLK Day, Meals on Wheels, and probably, puppies. But he missed many many opportunities to counter Cheney’s lies – most likely because there were just so many of them. So it’s probably a wash. Luke Skywalker got his hand chopped off, but he stayed alive.

Still, I keep wondering if the voters are going to start to ask themselves, why did the VP do so much better with basic things like full sentences than the President did? Who’s really in charge here?

(I was going to title this post “Hooray for split screen!” But that seemed too obvious.)

Voters on Thursday night saw an articulate, thoughtful, forceful man debate a petulant teenager. If that isn’t enough for the electorate to decide upon, we’re in deep doo-doo, as G. Bush Père would say.

Best Kerry line, when Bush tried to needle him about his comment on the $87 billion: “I made a mistake in how I talked about the war. President Bush made a mistake in invading Iraq. Which is worse?”

Best Bush line: “Of course I know Osama bin Laden attacked us! I know that!”

Best shouting-at-the-TV moment: When Bush said “Saddam refused to disarm,” I exclaimed, “What did he have to disarm?”

Best word-geek moment: When Bush said the terrorists in Iraq were fighting “vociferously.” Completely the wrong word, unless he meant they shouted a lot.

Best “Did I just see that?” moment: Bush looking blankly into the camera for five long seconds. (And right after he asked for a 30-second rebuttal!) If that doesn’t sound like very long, count it out for yourself while staring into a mirror.

Good stuff, Maynard.

Pat Buchanan: The thing about the President is, he exudes confidence. He exudes certitude.

Stewart:….So does Mr. T! It’s like, “He drove us into a wall, but he didn’t blink!”

–The Daily Show, tonight

The way Jon Stewart cuts through the bullshit of the political arena continues to take my breath away. He can say things that other people can’t, because he has the cover of comedy. But the other part of it is, he actually says them.

Maybe if political weblog writers and Sunday morning pundits spent a little less time debating the history of typewriter design and a little more time on the real problems this country faces, we’d be in slightly better shape as a nation.

One man’s opinion.

My best-case scenario for this year’s election? Bush is Nixon.

I still would put money on Bush winning the election, and possibly by a significant margin. We’re just too crazy right now to get off this horse. We’re too afraid, and we’ve endured entirely too much cognitive dissonance to change course now. (He’s a great President! He protects us! The economy is getting better! He’s not book-smart, but who wants that? He’s honest. He’s compassionate. His advisers know what they’re doing. Deficits don’t matter. Iraq was necessary. He held a bullhorn at Ground Zero!)

Still, I have a sneaking suspicion that in his second term, Bush’s house of cards will come tumbling down. Plame, Halliburton, Abu Ghraib, Iraq, deficits, TANG coverup – not to mention 12 other scandals I can’t think of right at the moment – will finally collapse the shaky foundation of this administration. Of course, that would mean focusing on Bush’s implosion for months or years, and not dealing with the real problems this nation faces. But we should be used to that by now. (John Kerry looks French!)

At this point, Bush could still stab a small girl in the neck on live national TV and suffer no ill effects. But how long can his luck hold? All it will take is for a modest amount of people to wake up from their 9/11 comas, and buh-bye, Mr. President.

One can hope.

His adoptive party is already backing away from Zell Miller’s Emperor Palpatine act at as the keynote speaker at the Republican National Convention. Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.

Miller, let us not forget, praised Kerry as recently as 2001, calling him “a great friend” who has “worked to strengthen our military.” Flip-flopper, liar, or opportunist? Or all three? (Watch out for that minor mention of Max Cleland – it’ll blow your mind.)

Memo to Zell: If your party left you, then why not return the favor? Please. I think I know the reason – because if you became a Republican, you would be lost among the chest-thumping conservatives. They would have absolutely no use for you. They’re just using you now to be their Righteous Anger Poster Child, and after the election they’ll toss you away like a snotty Kleenex without a second thought. They’re already doing it, and your remarks aren’t cold yet! (Well, challenging Chris Matthews to a duel probably didn’t help matters any.)

I think the best comment on Zellpalooza ’04 came from, big surprise, Jon Stewart on The Daily Show tonight:

I can understand with the protestors, it’s like the anger of the disenfranchised. But I’ve never seen the anger of the enfranchised before.

Stewart ’08! Stewart ’08!

Here’s a message too many people need to hear:

The President cannot protect you from being killed by a terrorist.

It’s just the simple fact. If a terrorist decides to kill you, there’s an incredibly good chance that he will succeed. All the President can do is create an atmosphere where your death at the hands of a terrorist is as unlikely as possible.

You can wear your seat belt. You can scrupulously follow traffic rules. You can avoid stopping on train tracks. You can give up the keys when you’re too drunk to drive. All of these things will greatly decrease your chances of serious injury or death in your car. But along comes the wild swerve across the yellow line, and you’re six feet under.

That’s life. That’s the risk we take being alive.

But too many people, since 9/11, seem to look at the President as some sort of combination father figure, on-call fireman, and security blanket. I heard a Republican delegate interviewed on Democracy Now who said, “I’m voting for President Bush because he will protect me.”

Wrong, baby. And the more you cling to that, the less safe you become.

The fact is, George W. Bush has done a deplorable job with the “safety-belt issues” on terrorism. He’s done little with domestic security, neglecting borders, container ships and securing chemical and nuclear plants. Meanwhile, he rushes into a war where there were no terrorists, and creates thousands more, over multiple future generations, in the process. He lets one of the biggest terrorist-sponsoring states, Saudi Arabia, off scot-free. He’s alienated allies who we need in the long run to squelch terrorists.

If Bush were your neighborhood fireman, he’d be testing explosives outside your burning house. Not helping, and most likely making it worse.

Bush is not your Daddy. And the sooner you realize that, the better.

Since this is the Republican National Convention week, I’ve been thinking about the traditional role of conventions – rallying the base. But who, exactly, is George W. Bush’s base?

-Right-wingers, who never met a gay person they liked or a fetus they didn’t, don’t like Bush. He’s not conservative enough for them. He pays lip service to their causes, but the payoff just isn’t there. Abortion is still legal, and those pesky gays seem to be getting more and more people to agree that yes, maybe they should be equal citizens of the United States after all.

-Fiscal conservatives don’t like Bush. He’s spending like a drunken sailor. It must really chap the hides of those fiscal conservatives that Bill Clinton, aka “The Evil One,” actually racked up a sizeable budget surplus.

-Moderate Republicans, who think of themselves as such mainly because they believe Democrats just want to tax them to death, are much more liberal on social issues than the media understands. Many of them are turned off by Bush’s anti-gay stance, and by the folly that was/is the Iraq War.

-Do veterans like Bush? Really? Because why are they going to rally around a guy who thought his National Guard service was less important than working on a campaign (or partying with ambitious secretaries, for that matter); who has cut services for them during wartime; and who has recklessly led the country into an unprovoked war? Will Bush’s smears on Kerry’s record really be a net gain for GWB? Or will the net effect of John McCain, Max Cleland and Kerry send the mud swinging back into Bush’s face?

-Blue-collar workers seem to like Bush, despite his severely anti-union administration, and despite huge tax breaks for the richest Americans. “What’s the Matter with Kansas?” by Thomas Frank deals with this topic in depth. I wonder if this part of the base is as strong as it seems. Still, there’s always the “Terrorists are coming to kill you NOW! And I’m the only one who can protect you!” angle.

So who’s left?

-The insanely rich.

-Military-industrial-complex CEOs, and those who hope to become them.

Is that enough of a base? We’ll see.

BONUS LINK: 100 Mistakes

I’ve grown increasingly angry with the Swift Boat Liars “controversy.” They get debunked with both the official record and their own statements time after time, but yet the train rolls on. And on and on.

But if I’m being honest with myself, mostly why I’m upset about this tactic is its evil brilliance. Bush gets to attack Kerry on one of his biggest strengths, keep his own hands clean, and simultaneously distract attention from one of Bush’s biggest weaknesses in our terror-obsessed world – his own non-service in Vietnam. Plus, it’s time not taken up with talking about, oh, I don’t know, the mess in Iraq and the mess of our domestic economy.

And people buy it, because they are pretty much willing to follow any shiny thing that’s waved in front of their faces. Karl Rove knows this, of course. He knows a smear can be debunked utterly, but it still remains.

The minute people turn away from one shiny thing, they’ve got another to wave in your face: Gay marriage! Theresa Heinz’s money! John Kerry looks French! Michael Moore is fat! Eliminate the IRS!

It’s sickening, but it works. And say what you will about the Republicans, they know what works. And the only way it’s going to stop working is if we learn to turn our heads away from the shiny things.

I’m not holding my breath.

A question to all the Swift Boat Liars, their enablers in the media and on the web:

Is there anything you actually like about George W. Bush? Or are you just supporting him because he’s “Not John Kerry”? Pretty flimsy rationale, I’d say.