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As if we needed further proof that Onion-style satirical humor is obsolete in our society: only after Tom Burka of “Opinions You Should Have” wrote the satirical headline “Mike Brown To Take Charge Of Congressional Investigation of FEMA” did he learn that his joke had basically come true.

I believe that the apex of The Onion was the 2001 headline heralding the inauguration of George W. Bush: “Our Long National Nightmare of Peace and Prosperity is Finally Over.” Since then, well, reality is just moving too fast for any satirist to keep up.

My friend David and I were talking about the premiere of “The West Wing” this week, and how much we enjoyed getting back to those characters we loved. (The scene between Donna and Josh was both heartbreaking and refreshingly real.) And now there’s “Commander in Chief” starring Geena Davis starting tonight, where she plays the first female U.S. President.

“This is good,” said David. “These days, we need all the fake Presidents we can get.”

So true. So true.

“I want fake Sunday shows to start talking about what the fake Presidents are doing during the week,” he said. “Bring on ‘Capital Beat!'”

I support it.

Dangers of a Drunk Dubya

What he said.

Odious gun nut whackjob Kim “John Fuckface Kerry” du Toit and his wife, the even more odious Connie “Dissent is treason” du Toit, have both completely shut down their web sites. From what I can gather, Kim got a new job, and was perhaps a skosh concerned that his wild-eyed rantings about killing all the ragheads and hanging liberals from telephone poles might cause some consternation with his new employer.

This after the du Toits admitted that their online business venture, DidToday, was just about scuttled when investors pulled out after discovering the couple’s hateful, disgusting rantings.

Couldn’t happen to a more deserving pair. I can only hope that their sites stay dead – there’s enough filth on the internet as it is.

A tale of crescents and cones.

The elephant in the room of the crapweasel right is their own screaming stupidity. One thinks it’s a tree trunk, one thinks it’s a rope, one thinks it’s a spear, and one thinks it’s a fan.

Bill O’Reilly thinks it’s a falafel.

NOTE TO CRAPWEASELS: Did you know that New Orleans is known as the “Crescent City”? Let loose the dogs!

For conservative Bush backers, Donna Brazile is a “good” Democrat, because she’s unwilling to hold the President accountable for his massive failures surrounding Hurricane Katrina.

Joe Lieberman is a “better” Democrat, because he’s willing to praise the President and get in bed with Republicans at the drop of a hat.

And Zell Miller is the “best” Democrat, because, well, he’s clinically insane.

Lyrics to my new favorite song, “God’s Song” by Randy Newman:

Cain slew Abel
Seth knew not why
If the children of Israel
were supposed to multiply
why must any
of the childen die?

So he asked the Lord
and the Lord said,

“Man means nothing
he means less to me
than the lowliest cactus flower
or the humblest yucca tree
He chases ’round this desert
’cause he thinks that’s where I’ll be
That’s why I love mankind.

I recoil in horror
at the foulness of thee
at the squalor and the filth
and the misery
How we laugh up here in heaven
at the praise you offer me
That’s why I love mankind.”

Christians and the Jews
were havin’ a jamboree
Buddhists and the Hindus
joined on satellite TV
They chose their four greatest priests
and they began to speak

They said, “Lord there’s a plague upon the land
Lord, no man is free
The temples that we built to you
have tumbled into the sea
Lord, if you won’t take care of us
Then please please let us be.”

And the Lord said
And the Lord said

“I burn down your cities
How blind you must be
I take from you your children, and you say
How blessed are we!
Y’all must be crazy
to put your faith in me

That’s why I love mankind.
You really need me!
That’s why I love mankind.”

Sorry, but this photo is freakin’ hilarious. If you don’t find this funny, you’ve lost your soul.

I hate to say “I told you so.”

But I told you so.

As Edward G. Robinson intoned so memorably in one of the greatest movies of all time, The Ten Commandments:

Where’s your messiah now?

President Bush has got to be counting his lucky stars that the event that ripped away his last shred of credibility came in the form of a natural disaster, and not a terrorist attack. Imagine if those images of him eating cake with John McCain and playing the guitar were taken while people burned alive after a nuclear explosion. I wonder if he would be sleeping in the White House tonight.

“From my perspective, it is far, far too late to start bringing up questions about funding priorities now, except maybe in the sense of bringing them up if another war is proposed.“
-Dean Esmay, Crapweasel-in-Chief, who previously described the war in Iraq as an “experiment”

I wasn’t aware that democracies “proposed” wars, like they do, say, highway projects. But this is the world we live in now. George Orwell, call your office.