HOMER: Marge, it takes two to lie – one to lie, and one to listen.
———
LISA: Dad, did you know that in China they use the same word for both “crisis” and “opportunity”?
HOMER: Yes! Crisatunity!
———-
HOMER: Not a bear in sight. The Bear Patrol must be working like a
charm.
LISA: That’s specious reasoning, Dad.
HOMER: Thank you, dear.
LISA: By your logic I could claim that this rock keeps tigers away.
HOMER: Oh, how does it work?
LISA: It doesn’t work.
HOMER: Uh-huh.
LISA: It’s just a stupid rock.
HOMER: Uh-huh.
LISA: But I don’t see any tigers around, do you?
[Homer thinks of this, then pulls out some money]
HOMER: Lisa, I want to buy your rock.
———–
MARGE: I wonder if he’s going to say anything about that horrible fish.
HOMER: Oh, Marge. What’s the big deal?
I bet before the papers blew this out of proportion,
you didn’t even know how many eyes a fish had.
— Watching Burns’ campaign advertisement,
“Two Cars in Every Garage, Three Eyes on Every Fish”
———–
MARY BAILEY: My worthy opponent thinks that the voters of this state
are gullible fools. I, however, prefer to rely on their
intelligence and good judgement.
REPORTER: Interesting strategy.
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